Sunday, June 20, 2010

Obsessions

Writers often end up writing about their obsessions. The things that haunt them; the things they cannot forget; stories they carry in their bodies waiting to be released.

The list of my obsessions change but unlike most writers, I never take the time to write them down. I would rather not be reminded they exist. If I did make a list, at the very least I would always have things to write about. I am sure once they appear on paper I give them power to manifest becoming larger than they really are. Either way, I am committed not to give them control over my life.

One obsession uncovers its ugly head to taunt me just as life seems to stablize and return to normal. Overcoming cancer is a cruel ellusion that will never go away. Just as life becomes clearer than ever before, the month of June signifies the season for my annual PET scan.

The “what ifs” become my obsession as I hide them from the world. What if my cancer comes back? The fear is understandable, yet holds no place in my life. I crushed it when I won my battle against the Dragon two years ago.

The reality is, I have done all I can do to keep it at bay. If cancer were to return, I would just take up the battle again and keep doing so, until I could fight no more. Lifes journey serves to remind me how powerful I am. My soul is fearless against the unknown and for now, I give thanks for another day.

1 comment:

Whidbey Woman said...

We are facing the "what ifs" this week. Ron's PET scan is Friday. We are wondering "What if... the treatment's not working?" "What if the cancer has spread?"
We are trying to be strong and keep the faith. I've been studying Isaiah 40:31 and Romans 8:25 about waithing with hope and patience.