I'm Still Here!

Three years of silence doesn't mean I'm dead just yet! We all need a break now and then from the power of words and the pressure that comes with cancer. Initially diagnosed in 2008 with Colon Cancer, I was overwhelmed to receive a recent PET Scan confirming after eight (8) years, I remain clear of all signs of The Dragon! God has been good to me.

Tonight I reread all 33 posts I wrote on this blog between 2009 and 2013 chronicling the path of my cancer journey. My writing brought back memories in waves. The power of words become a part of our lives and that is why I have always loved writing. Words woven together have the power to cut through what doesn't matter and highlight what does. I learned so much about myself during my battle to overcome a disease that could have killed me. Tonight, I reflect on the affirmations I committed to memory that cancer would not become my undoing. There were still victories to be won and other battles to fight. 

Since my last post, I have indeed fought to overcome other life challenges while never losing sight of how cancer gave my life a new perspective. It changed who I am today. I have since redirected my career into health care working for a large Level II trauma center in Palm Springs, California. The facility has a well established Cancer Center and the people who work there in my opinion, are doing God's work. I recently found myself walking through this Cancer Center on the way to get my long overdue PET Scan. As I sat in the lobby waiting my turn, I watched people going through their cancer journey now. I thought about how I felt all those years ago, getting chemo and radiation treatment everyday and remembering how towards the end, I began to question my ability to continue to fight the fight. I was just as afraid as they must be. It takes courage to move forward and believe you will win the battle that seems beyond reach. But that December afternoon, I was wondering IF my cancer could have returned. I had put off getting this scan for awhile because, well I just couldn't think about it coming back. Finally, I was ready to face the music. As I sat there in the lobby, I wanted to tell every patient who crossed my path that they are a warrior and to keep believing. These were people I will never know and will never see again. The best I could do was just give them a smile and hope they could see my compassion and ability to understand their fear. I realized then that I will always feel connected to the cancer community. Once you take on The Dragon, you undergo a right of passage that none of us ever wanted. Although I don't wear my cancer diagnosis on my sleeve, having had the experience connects me to all kinds of people in so many positive ways.

Today I believe I was one of the lucky ones. If you are still fighting the battle I want you to never give up no matter how bleak life may seem. Know that you are a warrior and that the human soul has so much power to overcome anything once you commit to life.  In the meantime, document your journey, it will teach you so much about who you have become.

The Power of Our Love

The Power of Our Love

My love for a friend has taught me compassion for things I do not understand.


Her journey has become a lesson in honoring the spirit and reminding us to listen to our bodies when we forget to protect our own well-being. I trust God will not let her down during this intense time of struggle.

Fighting through the haze of a reality that is not her own, mental clarity becomes a battle she never could believe she would wage. Reaching out for the love and gentle touch that once made her whole seems elusive now. It is there, hiding just below the surface, emanating from friends and family who love her. Fear is a destructive demon that can erode our lives if we let it take power over our mind.

Feeling lost in the madness, demands we stop the external overwhelming swirl of thought. Now is the time to go within. Finding our center will make us whole again. Quieting the mind is never easy, yet in that silence our soul is revealed. This is a battle worth fighting, teaching us all to honor the ebbs and flows of life and to never forget "We give power to that which we think about."

Relationships become one piece to regaining our strength and passion for life. It is through compassion and commitment that we learn the power of our love.

HOW DO WE COME CLEAN?

           I just finished reading the book “CLEAN” by Dr. Alejandro Junger.  I found it located in the health section, so I knew getting “clean” was a good thing.  Just below the title reads “The revolutionary program to restore the body’s natural ability to heal itself.”  If we each had the option, I’m pretty confident we’d all want to choose a natural way to heal our bodies.  Within the pages of CLEAN, Dr. Junger lays out a practical new detox plan that can be used as a tool to restore, rebalance and heal.

           

            Written by a cardiologist, I was intrigued to hear how a physician from the west would evangelize a safe and effective prescription that would clean out my entire system and heal by body from the inside out.  At the core of CLEAN, Dr. Junger’s program is supported by the cutting-edge understanding of how our organs, hormones, and enzymes function together.  In a nut-shell he bases the CLEAN program on three important facts:

1. Toxins and stress create obstacles for the normal functioning and self-healing capabilities of our bodies.
2. Modern eating habits and lifestyles pollute our bodies and don’t provide the nutrients necessary for us to function at optimum levels.
3. By removing the obstacles and providing what is lacking, our bodies bounce back into health and our energy is restored.     

Dr. Junger writes, “This modern detox program came to life in the same way that many great discoveries are made, when one person went on a journey to find a solution for his own suffering.  In the case of CLEAN, that person was me.”  CLEAN is broken down into three one-week easy to follow plans.  If I know anything about myself, it’s that I am much more apt to follow a detox that’s not the result of multi-million dollar clinical trials or pharmaceutical company sponsorship.  Everyone seems to tout “natural” these days, but it often ends up to be a play on words.  CLEAN appears to be the real deal.

Becoming a three year cancer survivor isn’t the end of my journey.  My health goals now focus on overcoming the ravages of chemotherapy and radiation treatment.  Reaching mid-life was a celebration, but it has come with a depletion of my energy and less vitality than I know is possible.  Every day I tell myself, “I am living my best life – now!”  But when I listen to my body – it tells me otherwise. 

My journey back to optimum health, free of pharmaceuticals will demand that I embrace a scientifically based wellness plan centered on eating high quality organic food.  Reducing my  stress level and eliminating the many forms of pollution in my life (more on this point in future posts).  Like the majority of people out there, I want a healthy plan that won’t take a lot of time and will give me positive results quickly to assure I stay motivated. 

The overwhelming results documented in the book have given me the motivation to commit to trying the CLEAN three week program. We all deserve to live healthy, happy lives with the time we have left.  I promised myself that once I made it through cancer treatment, I would do everything I could to completely restore my health.  I have come a long way since then, but I’m not quite done yet. 

If your body isn’t feeling like you are living your best life now, I encourage you to read “CLEAN.”  Dr. Junger’s program just might become part of a paradigm shift for you in how you approach food and maintain optimum health at any age.

I’m jumping into CLEAN head first starting today.  Hears to each of us living our best life now!  

Natures Fury



Laguna's Main Beach

 After weeks of incredibly warm February weather, nature reminds me we are still in the midst of winter. Grey pewter skies have blown in across the great expanse of the Pacific Ocean, bringing large waves roaring into Laguna’s Main Beach.

Looking out across a wide stretch of sand there are no beachcombers today. Their absence reveals the beauty and love affair I have with the wildness of the sea. In the emptiness, I see life everywhere as the wind blows and rain steadily begins to fall. I watch sea gulls ride the thermal air gusts, twisting and dodging in flight as they try with all their might to enjoy the ride.



Laguna's windy shores



Off in the distance, smoke curls rising out of chimneys leaving behind the memory of past loves fury warming my soul on cold wet days. But for today, I am left with only the warmth of a good book and the beauty and power of nature before me.

Laguna is a place like no other with a personality and magnet all its own. The mega rich live in large rambling houses that hang over the ocean looking down on a more laid-back earthy crowd. Somehow their differences blend and enrich this community, creating the unique art colony that it is.

I find places have a way of molding us into who we are. If we let them, communities have the power to transfer life into each of us. If we are lucky, we find the hidden gems in the people and the beauty of the landscape and are drawn to give back and contribute. In the end, it’s all about connection to the earth, having the courage to share yourself, respecting the wonder of nature and believing we are where we should be.



Natures Fury





Making This My Best Year

January 1, 2011 began with crystal blue skies full of large cotton ball like clouds that stretch across the ocean reaching to the edge of the horizon line. As I sit high above the ocean in a beach chair wrapped in blankets, the warmth of the sun penetrates my senses as I close my eyes and drift away with the wind. Seagulls dart across the sky soaring just beyond reach and I’m lost in the repeating roll of the pounding surf. Its roar tempers thoughts of my dreams for this New Year.

Natures wonder is truly our gift from God. The importance of making time to nourish our souls in nature provides clarity, direction and solitude from a life of never ending challenges. Its power simplifies, reminding me to dream big dreams without the need to have all the answers. I feel the universe expand and contract with each breath and believe the Source of all life is here in this moment. The fact that there is very little spiritual truth in our contemporary culture continues to force me to look inward. It is there I find my untapped energy.

I am eager to move forward with expanding awareness, focused on an inner purpose that directs me toward life’s next cycle. Birth brings expansion, growth brings wisdom and I see the inherent connection of letting go of my ego to become more conscious of my inner spirit opening me to a better world. Nature reminds me stress or stuggle are a sign that the ego has taken over my thinking. Negative reactions surface when I encounter obstacles and separate myself from spirit.

On this first day of 2011, I make a conscious effort to align my outer purpose, what I do… with my inner purpose and mental awakening. How I do what I do, will determine whether I am fulfilling my destiny and more importantly what I am able to give to the world. I make a personal commitment today to do things differently. Stupidity is relatively harmless, but intelligent stupidity is highly dangerous. I have only one chance to live my best life and the only way I can think to do this, is to ensure I am on purpose every day.   I will strive to tap into every ounce of my creativity in ways that will expand my thinking. I will give encouragement to those who are sick or feel lost, give my love in abundance, demonstrate the power of my faith to those in need. We each have a choice in how we allow our lives to play out and touch others.  Today, I believe this will be my best year yet.

Happy New Year!

A Tribute to My Mothers Love

My mother died Thanksgiving Day, November 25, 1990 at the age of 57. By the time the ambulance reached San Pedro Hospital, she had already fallen into a deep coma. Once she reached the E.R., a series of brain scans revealed the trauma of a massive stroke left little hope she would regain consciousness. Over the coming week, Stefani’s team of doctors continued to run tests while they began to prepare our family for her death. What those doctors had not anticipated, was my mother's ability to wage a tireless fight. For fourteen days, she fought to stay alive hanging on in a deep coma long enough for each member of our family to say goodbye.

Throughout those days, I never stopped believing she could overcome death and live to tell the story. However, this time prayer wouldn’t be good enough to save my mother from an early death; God had other plans for her. I regret never having the opportunity to hear her voice again or not being able to have one more conversation to thank her for all she had contributed to my life. Unlike so many other people who lose a parent, I was one of the lucky ones given time to say goodbye.

Following two gut-renching weeks of holding on to hope my mother chose to walk into the white light, leaving my sister and I to go home to grieve. We both knew then, that our endless prayers to God didn't have the power to change the outcome. Our mother had made the decision to let go on her own to be with God. She faded away, believing it was her time and now we were left to honor her decision.

That first evening alone without her, I remember lying on the bed in her guest room looking out the window at a full moon and a string of Christmas lights dotting the hillside above her home. I wondered then how people could possibly celebrate Christmas, now that my mother had left the planet. How would my sister and I ever be able to celebrate Christmas, New Years Eve, Easter, Mother’s Day, birthdays and another Thanksgiving for the rest of our lives without her leading the festivities? How would I find the strength to overcome my dark depression and muster the courage to let go of her love and begin to rebuild my life in positive, healthy ways? How could I be sure I would not forget her voice, her smile, her laugh, her warm caring touch, her strength, her wisdom, her courage to always follow the right path and most importantly, her endless uncompromising love for my sister Valerie and I? She had never tired in wanting the best for me or my sister and took every opportunity to encourage us both to be wise, capable and strong women.

My greatest fear was that time would have the power to erase my mother’s memory. That night was twenty years ago this week and there hasn’t been a day in between I haven’t thought of Stefani and all the love she brought into my life. She was an incredible human being who always chose the high road in her relationships giving away her love freely. After twenty years, I can happily say that her love has not faded from my memory because she lives on in my heart.

So this year I will celebrate Thanksgiving by giving thanks for the gift of my mother’s love. For it is through her, I learned my values, the meaning of love and the bond of family. Time has erased the pain of her loss, but has proven powerless against erasing her memory.

My Birthday - A Day of Promise

This is a day of promise; of hopefulness, and cheer

For this is my day to remember

The lives that touch my heart each year

Today is the day I reflect, on all I have to give

Because I am blessed with another year to live

So many special memories are woven into my life

None of them as powerful as God giving me a second chance at life

Overcoming cancer opened my soul

Now I understand it is love

That truly makes me whole

The love and wonder of my life, is what I celebrate today

I send you love and happiness

As I look forward to another day

The Strength of Forgiveness

Who is it that you cannot forgive? We each have a list of people who did us wrong or who were never able to quite live up to our expectations. If your name is on that list, you are not the only person on the earth with a dark secret.

Holding on to the past and failing to grasp the importance of forgiveness depletes your soul. Moving forward with life becomes impossible. Living in the past drains all the positive energy we need to create a joyous future. Close your eyes, can you feel your anger in the pit of your stomach and the power of those unrealized expectations eating away at your dreams?

Directing our negative emotion toward others will never penetrate their heart as deeply, or as completely as the grip it has on you. It is time to ask if giving them your power is worth repeatedly reliving how you’ve been wronged.


Forgiveness is the beginning to understanding our anxieties and feelings of unhappiness. I believe our failure to know joy is a direct reflection of our inability to forgive. So come clean, what are you holding onto?

No matter how deep your pain, believing your life is not worth the power of letting go keeps you shrouded in darkness. It is easy to believe our unwillingness to forgive centers around our false perception that it serves as our armour against the pain. Have you noticed how the pain grows as you relive it every day?

With a clear focus, the joy we all deserve lies just beyond our ability to start living life in the present.

How long are you willing to wait before you are ready to stop playing the same game? Experience tells me life is short and the days we focus on the past, take us away from the minutes, days, months and years we have left to experience the joy and wonder we are meant to live in the future.

The Power of Healing

What are you healing from? A life threatening illness, the end of a relationship, the death of a lover, a friend, or family member? Have you struggled to overcome addiction and gone to hell and back in search of finding your soul?

Healing comes to us in many forms and is a neverending process of life’s journey. With it comes the emotions of fear, sadness, loss, and ultimately, the need to adapt to change. I believe we have a responsibility to learn from the challenges’s put before us. My challenge was to embrace the fact that the universe was handing me a lesson I needed to learn.  I could either die or fight to overcome my fears, with the goal that this experience would make me a stronger human being.

My path to healing from cancer took many twists and turns. I found healing, in the support and comfort I received from friends and family. I found healing, by beginning to honor my body in ways that embraced the love they showed me, allowing me to love myself even in my darkest moments. I found healing, through the beauty and wonder in nature. The stars seemed brighter, the sunsets more colorful, the waves crashing on the beach louder, the unique beauty of the desert became more interesting, the peace of waking beside a lake more serene. God appeared to me in all these acts of love and places of beauty and I knew I was never alone in my struggle.

Today, my life has a new perspective. I am blessed for having gone through the pain of cancer.  Loosing my hair was only a minor inconvenience, although I admit looking in the mirror some days tested my views about my sense of self worth.  Not being able to digest food for the better part of a year and all that came with chemo and radiation, brought me to the depths of despair on many occassions.  There were days, I actually felt I was slowly dying inside.  My body and strength were being tested and I remember silently wondering if I might loose this battle.  Looking back, I came through my journey wiser, more compassionate, and more deeply connected to others. Moving through the process of healing opened up my creativity and need to communicate the profoundly powerful lessons we all can learn.  The key is to pay close attention to the individual lessons hidden within our pain.

I encourage you to seek to understand your journey of healing, be patient with yourself -- healing takes time, connect to a power greater than yourself and you too will find the power to be transformed.

Heaven

I have never really thought much about Heaven or the concept of its existence.

Last night while searching the sky, it occurred to me that perhaps stars are not cold masses of ice. Maybe all those millions of stars are just holes in the sky, sparkling brightly to provide us a glimpse into Heaven. I believe they serve as our window into the majesty and wonder of Heaven.

We have all heard that when we die there will be a bright light for us to walk into, leading the way to eternity. People who have had near-death experiences, often describe they experienced an intense light and an overwhelming sense of peace and serenity.

I will look at the stars differently from now on, choosing to believe that perhaps, they might be tiny little holes in the fabric of our universe. The purpose of every one of those tiny lights is there to give us a glimpse of the intensity and wonder of Heaven.

By Kevin S. Andersen

Obsessions

Writers often end up writing about their obsessions. The things that haunt them; the things they cannot forget; stories they carry in their bodies waiting to be released.

The list of my obsessions change but unlike most writers, I never take the time to write them down. I would rather not be reminded they exist. If I did make a list, at the very least I would always have things to write about. I am sure once they appear on paper I give them power to manifest becoming larger than they really are. Either way, I am committed not to give them control over my life.

One obsession uncovers its ugly head to taunt me just as life seems to stablize and return to normal. Overcoming cancer is a cruel ellusion that will never go away. Just as life becomes clearer than ever before, the month of June signifies the season for my annual PET scan.

The “what ifs” become my obsession as I hide them from the world. What if my cancer comes back? The fear is understandable, yet holds no place in my life. I crushed it when I won my battle against the Dragon two years ago.

The reality is, I have done all I can do to keep it at bay. If cancer were to return, I would just take up the battle again and keep doing so, until I could fight no more. Lifes journey serves to remind me how powerful I am. My soul is fearless against the unknown and for now, I give thanks for another day.

Wandering in the Desert

Wandering in the desert, looking for the Promised Land: this is our life. As we live our life and survive, living through the good and bad times, we may come to a discovery: Wandering in the desert is the Promised Land.

That’s very hard to comprehend. We all know pain and suffering. We want the suffering to end. We want to reach a Promised Land where the suffering doesn’t exist anymore. In working with those who are dying or facing their inner demons, Stephen Levine observes that true healing happens when we go into our own pain so deeply that we see it is not just our pain, but also everyone’s pain. We are all damaged. Once we really get this, it becomes life changing because we understand that each person has their own inner demons. After years of personal growth work and living through a cancer diagnosis, I see that the whole world is in pain.

It has been said, that our relationships are similar. We tend to believe they begin, they last for a period of time, and they end. Yet we are always in relationship and always connected to one another. Our relationships manifest and grow in unique ways, but before that manifestation, they already existed, and after it “ends,” those relationships continue. We remain in some sort of relationship even with those who have died. Former friends, former lovers, former relatives continue to live on in our lives and are part of who we are. The visible manifestation may end, but the actual relationship never ends. Our lives were joined and we are never separate from one another. Once we face our pain and experience it, a shift occurs in our view of others and how we begin to live our life.

The everyday tedium of our lives is the desert we wander, looking for the Promised Land. Our relationships, our work, and all the little tasks of life are all part of the gift. Even happiness can be painful because as we move through life, we learn we may loose it.

Life is very short. The moments that we experience are quickly gone forever and we’ll never see them again. How will we choose to spend the little space in time left to us? Will we waste it spending our time about thoughts of how difficult life is? Or will we break away from the “wanting” and come into openness? The openness comes from finding joy in all that surrounds us. Joy includes the suffering, the happiness, and everything that is our life. Acceptance is the kind of healing worthy of our struggle.

So our relationships never end. We can walk out, get divorced, but we can’t end them. Such an ending would require us to be something we’re not, which is separate from others. When we try to become separate, the suffering begins again. Maybe Stephen Levine was right when he said, “we are born to heal into life.” For each of us the healing is different, but the purpose is the same. Stop the madness of the ego, which says, look out for yourself. Connecting on a deeper level within our relationships opens us up to love and realizing we are already in the Promised Land.

The Journey

The Latin root of universe is “uni,” which means “one,” and “verse,” which means “passage.” One passage: I believe this to mean each of us has our own authentic path. We just need to stop trying, stop willing, and just let life happen.

It has been said, “Life is a Journey, and we each must follow our own path.”

As I learn to follow my path, I finally understand the value of surrendering my need to control my destiny. As I have written previously, the universe has led me again and again, to follow my path north back to Seattle. Over the last year, the book project I’ve been editing is not  yet complete. After spending a warm winter in sunny Southern California, April signaled it was time to plan my third roadtrip over the last year back to the Emerald City.

Leaving home and family behind for five to six months at a time for work, has also taught me the benefit of surrendering to the universe. Nothing positive ever comes when I resist change. Therefore, I have made it a daily affirmation to embrace new people, new surrounding’s and to welcome new challenges into my life. Doing so has never come easy, but I see my life expanding beyond what I dreamed possible as I let go and strive to live an authentic life.

My roadtrip was scheduled to include a week’s drive up Highway 101 through California and over to the coast through Mendicino and up Highway 1 to hug the rugged wind swept California and Oregon Coasts. Driving solo for five days is a lonely propisition but the beauty of the west coast makes the adventure worth adding to anyones “Bucket List.” Eventually, the long hours alone became a form of meditation as the universe peeled back the many layers of who I have become.

Leaving Los Angeles I felt the stress disappear from every inch of my body as I turned my apprehension about leaving home, into excitement over the realization that God has put me on a path to live out my dream. Not all the pieces fit together yet, but I know they lie ahead of me.

My trip would not be complete without stops in Santa Cruz, Palo Alto, Mendicino and Neskowin, Oregon to spend quality time with longtime friends. Although my friends and I don’t have the opportunity to see one another often enough anymore, it seems we always pick up where we left off during our last visit.

Driving north above San Francisco I became one with the neverending twists and turns of Highway 1. I listened to soulful music, soaked in the incredible scenery, and took the opportunity to reflect on the value of these old friendships. Without them, life would feel empty and without meaning. Building connection and community has proven to sustain and enrich my life.

I spent time exploring the incredible beaches, writing in my journal, and asking God for direction in living my life in the present moment. I am coming to understand that all the moments that happened in my past are a memory, and any moment that will happen in the future is a fantasy. Memories and fantasies are nice, but they lead me nowhere except the past, which no longer exists. All any of us really have is NOW.

On a deeper level, my journey has led me to clearly see that every action or decision I make generates a result. What I put out there dictates what I get in return. If I am not putting out abundance, abundance will not come into my life!

After seven days in the car alone, it felt good to be back in the Pacific Northwest again. This place always fills my soul with the feeling that I have come home. Spring has brought with it flowers on the cherry trees and the two eagles that nest just beyond my bedroom window, have returned home as well. Life moves forward as I settle in to reconnect with my purpose and live a life full of intention.

How I Found Jesus on the Job

Corporate America can be unforgiving when we look to find Jesus on the job. His spiritual philosophy has been lost in the competition to survive and prosper. I have seen moral and ethical values fade and I have known many, whose greed has won the battle between the hours of eight to five. Slowly, a shift is unfolding and people are awakening to the reality that loosing your soul on the job -- is not the path to inner happiness.

My journey began in Corporate America thirty-four years ago. From the beginning, my goal much like many people has been to work hard, pursue a career that brings satisfaction, and in return, earn a decent living. My road has been full of blessings and challenges. There have been times; I’ve had to confront the fact that I found myself going down the wrong path. I’ve had positions where I felt completely under utilized, not valued, and confused when confronted by people who demonstrate a competitive spirit. I have watched strong leaders focus on the demands of running a public company, only to leave their morals at the door.

As a Christian, I never felt comfortable openly expressing my need to follow the example set by Jesus to overcome the challenges I face on the job. Instead, God has found me seeking His answers in private. Working in a job that is unfulfilling, has only served to deflate my spirit and confirm I have so much more to give before I reach my full potential.

Sometimes it takes a life-changing event to hear God’s dreams for us. Two years ago, I was working in a toxic environment for a controlling manager who called herself a Christian, but seemed conflicted about how to lead others in the work place. In 2008, it had become clear to me I had lost my way. I found myself restless, stressed out and unhappy with my work. It was during this low point I was diagnosed with cancer. Hearing those words changes everything. Time stands still and you realize in that moment you have a choice in how you want to live your life. From that moment forward, I chose to live my life with clear intention.

A week later, I began daily radiation and chemotherapy treatments. I went into the office through my first round of chemo, but soon found it necessary to work from home. My absense from the office became a source of conflict and the support and compassion I had hoped to find from my manager, never materialized. Following my last round of chemo, I was hospitalized and once I came home, I was unable to get out of bed for anothertwo-weeks. It was during this stillness, I came to terms with the fact it was time to change my focus.

One of the most difficult things to do is to change the way we imagine our place in life. Nothing is more challenging. On the other hand, once this change takes place, nothing could be more revitalizing, because your eyes open to a different world.

I asked Jesus to step in and help me redirect my career. I was ready to live out my passion and commit to my writing. I promised to dedicate whatever time I have left to focusing on my love for writing and ultimately serving others. I didn’t know how I would make my dream a reality. All I could do was pray every day that He would show me a new way.

Within days, His plan for the second phase of my life revealed itself during a routine walk with my neighbor. I shared my thoughts and desire for a new writing career with my friend. She responded by sharing that she had just heard from a long time family friend, who was writing his autobiography and in need of an editor. One year later, I look back over my yearlong association with this wise 88-year old man, and I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to contribute to the writing of his incredible life story.

I am now cancer free and feel fortunate to finally be living my dream. Today, Jesus is with me every day on the Job. I believe it was as easy as asking Him into my heart and being open to the possibility that He would redirect my life and allow me to fulfill my purpose.

In the Still of the Night

Photo by Kevin S. Andersen

In the still of the night, God has laid bare the beauty and many wonders of my world. The silloutte of the moons glow casts a backdrop expanding my internal life perspective. The moons powerful pull, not only controls the changing ocean tides, it continues to change me on a deep cellular level.

Inner peace is the gift so many easily over look. Its value opens doors and changes lives forever. Peace found its way into my soul, once I had an opportunity to start life over. For me it came at a high price. Cancer taught me never again to overlook the power of NOW. I am learning to live my life boldly, to overcome fear, to feel compassion, to appreciate the wonder of nature, to remain loyal to my faith in God and to reach out and connect to the people who touch my heart.

Life is fleeting. We each look back at some point and wonder where the time has gone. It all comes down to honoring the importance of living our lives with purpose and exploring how to connect with the life energy that is part of our ever-expanding universe. I feel this connection in the still of the night and wonder how many others have learned to experience its power.

My friend Linda, who tonight is on the edge of passing, understands all of this. Her courage to let go, comes from this inner peace and a heart felt connection to this world and the next. She lived life and learned how to live it boldly, without fear, full of compassion, with an appreciation for nature and held on to her faith in a higher power promising her life here on earth is only the beginning. Linda has fought a long and valent battle against The Dragon. She may have lost the fight, but she did so with grace. Linda taught me how to live and when my time comes, how to die. Good night my friend, let the moons glow take you home.

New Beginnings

Today is the day for new beginnings. Tradition tells us every January 1st is our one “do-over” day. Whatever miss-steps we took last year, goals that did not come to pass, or dreams that did not materalize, are not lost. Today we are given the gift of new beginnings, starting over – stronger for the wisdom and lessons learned in 2009.

2010 ushers in a new decade. That in itself is reason to reevaluate and prioritize what is important and commit to changing our lives in ways that will bring stability, happiness, comfort, and love once again into our lives. How difficult can that be? I am sure I make my life much more complicated than it needs to be. If I could change anything, it would be to simplify my life.

As I began to ask the people around me, “what made life so difficult in 2009,” the consensus was that we allowed the greed of others to take control of our lives. It seemed greed was everywhere, running rampant across America and around the world. We learned our political leaders could not protect us because many of them are full of greed, serving their own political agendas. We saw the financial markets tumble and bring so many of us to our knees. We put our money in places we did not truly understand, trusting others to increase our wealth, yet found they had no ethics. Collectively we chose to believe there was no bubble and that living in America guarenteed our financial success. Now looking back, we can see it was us who lost their way. We put our faith in men who use their power to appease their greed. It is time for a new way. The lesson before us is, we have a responsibility to protect ourselves from those who can and will destroy our way of life if given the opportunity.

Today as I reflect on the lessons I learned in 2009, I commit to let go of my resentments against those filled with greed. It is encombant upon me to take responsibility for the stability of my financial future.

On this day of new beginnings, I also commit to improving my health. A cancer diagnosis taught me that it is the corner stone of living my best life now. I say it is time we all come to terms with the fact that our food is pumped full of hormones and sprayed with pesticides and that our bodies cannot sustain this amount of toxic overload. I now understand that the FDA is incapable of protecting my health, as long as it remains controlled by giant companies like Monsanto. Protecting myself means I must begin to eat organic food, drink only bottled water.

Starting today, I pledge to begin juicing and eating raw organic food, eliminating meat from my diet, to discontinue using my microwave oven just because it’s convenient, detoxing by body from toxins, and making the switch from storing my food in plastic to glass containers. 2010 is the year to take responsibility for my health. Doing so will require a shift in thinking to assure my long-term health.  I want this for all the people I love, but I have learned we must want it for ourselves first. So, I pray you will take an active interest in learning about what is in the food you eat and take your power back by putting your health first.

Finally, I pledge that 2010 will become my year for “going deeper.” Going deeper will remind me that I want to make a point of squeezing more out of life every day, to feel my emotions more deeply, to love more passionately, to share myself with others more freely and to follow my dreams in ways that will bring deeper long-lasting happiness into the world.

On this day of new beginnings, what are the things you vow to change?

A Day for Giving Thanks

Today was a cold crisp day in the Northwest, the rain had finally subsided and I could see a spot of blue sky over downtown Seattle. This was my opportunity to see downtown dressed up for the holiday’s before I leave town.

It wasn’t snowing but there was a definate chill in the air. As I walked down the street, people were bundled up in big winter coats; some wore hats and gloves and most were lugging holiday packages. The major department stores are geared up for the Holiday Parade scheduled to hit the streets of downtown Seattle this Friday. All the large picture windows are decorated and lights twinke brightly for as far as the eye can see.

Beyond the beautifully decorated windows and the twinkely lights, I saw a community struggeling to survive. I wasn’t prepared to see large numbers of homeless people standing on street corners holding signs begging people to give. Their eyes spoke volumes of their pain and lonliness. For them, I imagine Christmas is just another day. There will be no tree or presents to buy, no homes to decorate or friends to entertain. I turned the corner and came face to face with a man sitting in a wheel chair. He had no coat just a shirit and torn thin blanket across his lap, his clothes were worn, his hair in tangels. He just held a tin can. No sign. Looking at him said it all. As I walked past him, I turned and looked into his tired crystal blue eyes. Where did he go at night I wondered? Did he have food for tonight? How did his life go so wrong that he ended up on the streets begging for change?

I walked another block and suddenly I realized I had lost my interest in looking in store windows for the beauty of Christmas. 2009 has not been a good year for America. The economy appears to have affected everyone, except maybe the man pulling out of the parking lot of the Rainer Club this afternoon in his new shiny red Porsche.

I walked back to my car and drove home. Coming across the bridge over Lake Washington, I looked south to see Mt. Rainer in all her glory. She was covered in snow surrounded in a light pink hue standing proudly as a symbol of the incredible beauty of this region. The vision was magestic and I began to give thanks for all the positive aspects of my life.

I am thankful I can get in a nice warm car and drive home from the streets of downtown and know that I have a beautiful place to sleep tonight. I am thankful I have food to eat and warm clothes to wear. I am thankful I overcame cancer and had family and friends to take care of me when I was sick. I am thankful God has blessed me with many gifts that give me the ability to earn a living - even during this difficult economy. I am thankful life has not left me jaded and bitter and that I have the capacity to have compassion for others less fortunate. I am thankful I have family and friends who love and support me through the good times and the bad.

This Thanksgiving don’t overlook what you are thankful for.

The Power of Place

As the sun sets over the Olympic Mountains I feel the seasons change from fall to winter. The air is brisk across my face as a slow moving wind blows off the waters of Lake Washington. Seattle’s pewter skies cast a dramatic backdrop to the billows of white rolling clouds moving north, blanketing the Olympic penninsula. The peace one feels here is tied to the land, the water and string of islands that line the coast from Seattle to Canada.

Closing my eyes, I hear the whispers of the Indian people whose culture is so connected with the spirit of this country. They understand how to listen to the spirit of nature, allowing it to guide them and embrace the harmony every spirit craves.

Driving out of Los Angeles, I slowly could feel a weight being lifted as I traveled north beyond the intensity of the city and its traffic nightmere. My restless mind could not be satisfied after overcoming my life’s biggest challenge. A cancer diagnosis had ignited my passion to reconnect with who I have become. The need to slow down and no longer take life for granted was impossible surrounded by distraction. Living in the midst of it, life is hard to evaluate when you find yourself in a fish bowl. Lying in bed following my last chemo treatment, I had glimpses of all that my life could be.

Separation from my disconnected life had become a necessity. God had intervened and blessed me with an opportunity to return to the Pacific N.W. to heal and reconnect with my lifes passion. The work I am doing here is valueable and honors a living legend, who at 88 is writing his life story. Our meeting was by chance, yet it has served to reinvigorate my interest in the world.

I have learned life is a delicate balance. The happiness we all seek lies in our ability to reconnect with our spirit. It takes time, commitment and concentration to disconnect from the noise of our world. Without doing so, we are lost. As I prepare to make my journey home, my confidence remains high that I have learned the value of listening to my spirit and to trust my feelings. Contentment is found in nature, in the relationships you value in your life, in carving out time for yourself and in the compassion and love you give to others. This is the power of our humanity – embrace it.

How Cancer Changed My Life

Everyone knows at some level that life is finite, but I never thought about it as concretely or as often as after my cancer diagnosis. Cancer survivors are acutely aware of our limited time on earth. It’s a side effect of mortality staring you in the face. Once I crossed that line in the sand, I realized my cancer experience had permanently affected my perception of time. The shift for me began during my second week of a 24-hour a day chemo treatment. Seven days of toxic chemicals corsing through my veins had left me exhausted. I spent my days lying in bed looking out my window, searching for the positive things that would come out of my battle against the dragon. I grew impatient and frustrated over the reality that I had ignored my passions and at mid-life found myself unfulfilled.

Everyday I reaffirmed that many more people today now survive cancer, but the thought that my cancer could be life-threatening rarely left my mind. I had always believed I would live to 85 or beyond and die happily of old age, but now my script could potentially end differently. That was reason enough to re-evaluate priorities. The process forced me to take stock in the friends who were there for me during my darkest hours, to painstakingly evaluate who should receive my time and attention from that day forward, I made a comitment to become actively involved in protecting our environment, and acknowledged the importance of living my dreams now. Starting over would provide the opportunity to redefine who I am. I had overcome the ravages of chemo and radiation and fought my way back to the land of the living. It was in that moment that I knew I could do anything with my life I wanted now that I had clear intention. We each have a purpose here; some of us take longer than others to uncover what that gift is. But once we find it, our souls are challenged to give it back to the world in full measure.

Like many cancer survivors, I am a realist. A year later, I am now in full remission and consider myself one of the “lucky ones.” I move forward with my life harboring the realization that my life could change again in an instant. My cancer could resurface, the battle could begin again, but right now I am cancer-free and there is nothing more important than looking forward to explore the many positives and gifts in my life. Living with purpose gives focus to everything. I have my life, I have my energy back and I conquered the dragon by maintaining a healthy positive perspective and the confidence to no longer settle for less.

No one says, “I’m glad I got cancer.” But almost everyone says “It changed the way I look at my life, my relationships, my career, everything.” Cancer taught me that life is precious and so worth the struggles that cross our path. I realize now the gift I was given was the clarity to see my purpose. Cancer is the most powerful motivator I know. I tell myself everyday that everything in our universe happens for a reason and each event leads me closer to where I am meant to be.

Birthday Reflections

On the heels of a cancer diagnosis, birthday celebrations take on new meaning. Turning another year older today, comes with a badge of honor that at one point felt so fleeting.

I have slayed the dragon and my reward continues to lie just beyond the rainbow arching in brilliant shades of green, yellow and pink, reaching high into the sky outside my window. It is a sign that my challenges will continue to be conquered through mindful exploration and a willingness to embrace the changing seasons of life. The path to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow will come from the realization that I had the courage to sieze the day, to make a difference in the lives of others and in the process, found peace as my life was restored.

As I celebrate my new found freedom, the realization that I have overlooked the simplicity of life and its many riches seeps into my soul. God is telling me, “Life doesn’t have to be so complicated, take pleasure in the simple things and share that peace with others.” I vow to do this and make it my birthday wish today.

Each of us is given such a short time on earth to make our mark. Finding happiness is always within our grasp. For me, it has become a matter of changing perspectives as I grow older. Looking back on the journey of my youth, my path was thrilling, sometimes heart-breaking, continually full of wonder, and propelled by the freedom that comes from believing life will last forever. I would not change a thing. It was my path that took me to the doors of incredible long-lasting friendships, passionate love and a deep appreciation for the bonds of family. Now in mid-life, time passes more quickly. I am keenly aware I have less of it to make mistakes. I am blessed to harbor the feeling that all is as it should be. I have let go of the goals born in my youth, content now in the path I have chosen. I plot my course with intention, making use of the wisdom that comes with age.

My footprints in the sand may disappear, but my love for those around me will endure forever.